Tim coined a new phrase for me: parentnoia. Over the last several months, fearful thoughts & ideas have crept into my mind at times when I'm most vulnerable (in the car alone, in the shower alone, folding laundry alone). Get the idea? ALONE. So before I can say, "Mommy!" three types of thoughts dig into my melon:
1. Something terrible is happening to the baby.
2. Something terrible is happening to Tim.
3. Something terrible is happening to the baby and Tim.
Examples:
1. Why hasn't the baby started kicking yet? Is this position too uncomfortable for the baby? Am I cutting off circulation? What if I slip and land on my stomach?
2. What if Tim was in a car accident? I'd be left all alone to take care of our baby. What if he got sick and couldn't work anymore, who would watch the baby so I could work? What if being a parent stressed him out so much that we just drifted apart?
3. What if something happened to me, and Tim had to raise the baby alone? What if something happened to both Tim & the baby?? I'd be alone, alone, ALONE!
You know what comes next. I think these thoughts for about thirty seconds before tears are coming down--yikes! At this point, I have 2 choices: I can either find a sad song on the radio (break-up songs work well) and really start wailing, or ...
I tell myself that God will take care of the baby, Tim, and me, and that our kid would never be left alone. I say out loud, "You're only doing this because of the hormones or something, and this is natural." I remind myself how much Tim would laugh at me if he saw me. After a minute, I dry my eyes, sniffle, and I'm good as new. It gets easier to handle each time it happens. So, whether you're pregnant or not, remember: when you think you're alone, you're not. Dry them tears, wash your face, and finish up that laundry!
Thursday, December 28, 2006
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