Mah Ehul Ahoi-ent

That's Dentist Speak for, "My Dental Appointment." Before I continue, here's my viewer discretion recommendation: if you already have issues going to the dentist, don't read today's entry. Unless, of course, you like to hear the truth. In which case, may we all hear a bit of Stephen Colbert's--um--toothiness.

So, last week my little brother's face began to go Picasso on him (every part doing its own thing). He had trouble controlling his eye, part of his mouth, and eventually, the muscles in half of his face. He was perplexed, and even more so when my brother-in-law informed him he was probably having a stroke (if you haven't figured it out already, my brother-in-law is many respectable things, but a doctor he is not). My older brother remarked that my brother's mouth looked a lot like Rocky's, and that didn't seem to help, either.

When my brother told me his symptoms, the first thing I told him was that two people I knew had the exact same problem last year: Bell's Palsy. Bell's Palsy is a condition caused by a common virus (the same virus that gives you Chicken Pox). It shows up in adults as shingles and Bell's Palsy (among other things), though I don't think they know exactly why. It causes paralysis in half, if not all, of the face for 2-12 weeks.

The two people I knew who had it were all under excessive stress for weeks when the Bell's Palsy manifested itself. Here's where it gets shady: my friend who had it last year (as well as her friend) both developed Bell's Palsy days after their last dental visits.

Pum-pum-pahhhhhh!

So, I tell my little brother, "Out of curiosity--and I'm not trying to start any rumors or anything--but, have you been to the dentist lately?"

"Actually," he said, "I was in there this week."

Pum-pum-pahhhhhh!

The obvious deduction from this coincidence is that dental professionals across the country are, in fact, testing patients with chemical warfare products derived from alien technology (for more on this subject, contact my brother-in-law). My second theory isn't nearly as plausible: if this particular virus can be triggered by high levels of stress, perhaps going to the dentist (which many people dread anyway) is simply the 'straw that broke the camel's back'? Maybe the dental visit itself causes no harm but is merely a tipping point for anxiety? I know, I should hush my nonsense and beware of the aliens.

Now to the crux: how does this all affect my pregnancy? I mean, sure I'm pregnant and we just moved into a new apartment this weekend and I'm training my replacement at work and my body is changing all the time and I'm worried how I will contribute financially to our family and we have to house-hunt now, but what's a little stress? Well ...

At my last dental appointment six months ago, I scheduled my next visit for ... yesterday.

Pum-pum-pahhhhhh!

Part II: How I Woke Up with a Rash on My Back and Cried, "THE VIRUS!" tomorrow.