Tupac summed up pregnancy nicely, don't you know?That's just the way it is
Things'll never be the same
That's just the way it is
No, I'm not going to get 'Thug Life' tattooed on my belly (it would have to be pretty large lettering, now that I think about it *humph*), but when the man's right, he's right.
The hardest thing for me to deal with is the fact that, because of Baby Dowdel, my marriage relationship is changing even now. Tim & I are two trying to make room for three, and that's a tight squeeze sometimes. We have a great marriage and are happy, so change makes me suspicious.
Last night, I had a breakdown. Part of it was her-mones and part of it was just ... blindly fighting to hold on to something that has to change. I wanted Tim to know that I'm still me, not just a baby holder. I don't want to be 'Mom' only. I have to have room to be other things, too, but at that moment I was specifically mourning wife-ness. I started imagining all the ways our marriage would become routine or resentful as all our focus went to the baby. I thought about how our relationship would never get any attention or effort anymore.
Tim, poor thing, did his best to assure me of my present and future value and importance. I was reasonable and didn't ask for a notarized contract of said assurances. In fact, I felt better just getting it all out. Two tissues and a head patting later, I was fast asleep.
Point is, things'll never be the same, but that doesn't mean they have to go bad. I'm writing that more to myself.
2 comments:
Change is good sometimes. I mean, not only do you have just Tim.. you have a Tim and a half! Same thing goes for you, there is now a Liza and a half. When you both see your kid, I promise you.. this 'change' will all make sense and form together to become an additional love.
My heart tells me you may be right; my brain says a day of reckoning is coming ("Run, Ninny, run!").
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