Friday, March 9, 2007

Taking a Shower

Saturday was Baby Dowdel's prenatal party, her (his?) first official foray into society, the female centerpiece of pre-motherhood: the baby shower.

Before the party, I took the following steps:

1. Reminded people, "It's completely OK if you already have something planned that day and can't come. I will totally understand, so don't worry about it."
2. Avoided seeing the party space (my mom's house) until absolutely necessary.
3. Showed up ten minutes late to the actual party, and inched up the walkway when I finally did park.

Why did I try to sabotage a seemingly innocuous event? Can I just say what will make me look good? No? OK then, here it is: I get a dash of paranoia in front of crowds when I'm the focus of attention. I know, the baby shower wasn't about me at all, but my belly was the main attraction; people wanted to see it, regardless that it's not like looking at an aquarium where you might actually see something.

So why didn't I just say "no thanks" when the planning of the baby shower began? Like I said, the baby shower wasn't about me at all. It was Baby Dowdel's moment, and I thought, "Do I really want to make this kid have the same reaction (read: weakness) to crowds as I do?" Yes, I know the baby probably had no idea what was going on, but I couldn't help but think I was starting a pattern that I would just continue after the baby's birth.

I've read that mothers and babies are two separate entities, so MTBs shouldn't be afraid of scaring the child when they are scared, for example. But, I also read about a study that showed depressed women tend to give birth to low-weight babies, and the hormone imbalance is stressful to the child. So who's right?

I don't know, but it bothered me enough that I made myself get out of the car and walk into the party. There was food there my mother had slaved over. There was a humorous piglet cake that my brother and sister-in-law had bought. There were games refereed by my sister, decorations, and continuous food production provided by my aunt. There were women there from all parts of my life--family from out-of-town, church family, fellow writers, old friends--each with a gift for a baby they have never met because they care about the mother and father. It was a little, I don't know, sweet.

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