No, this won't be an overbearing anatomy lesson, but I feel compelled to explain the shape and vibe of my eight-weeks-and-counting pregnancy body. MTBs (and silly teenage girls with older boyfriends) need to know the truth. I think I'll provide the facts as they are, with a pinch of how I see them, yes?1. I can't breathe.
1a. Everything below my ribs is compressed, which means my breaths are short and uneven. My childbirth instructor says when the baby "drops" (AKA "lightening"), I'll finally be able to breathe better ... but that does mean my delivery is coming soon. I guess that's good news. I think.
2. Grandma has better eyesight than me.
2a. My vision is blurry from time to time. I can't seem to focus as well as I used to, eyeglasses or not. Today, I woke up, and for the first hour, I saw halos around everything because of my left eye. Benefit: my round silhouette is much less startling in the mirror.
3. What's that glare? Oh, yes, it's my hair!
3a. True. Perhaps it's my daily prenatal vitamin with DHA, but my hair is extra shiny & smooth of late. My doc says many women find this to be true so continue taking the pills long after pregnancy. Not a bad idea ...
4. I dream about sleep.
4a. Forget about exotic places, I dream about sleep. Most of my dreams these past few weeks feature my bed, a bed, or house with a bed in it. I don't think we need to purchase a dream interpretation book for this one.
5. It's a rockin' party, and I'm not invited.
5a. Baby Dowdel kicks, turns, and pretty much has the ultimate college party every day: it goes all night long, the cops never come, and food/drink are on tap all night.
6. I should buy stock in Charmin.
6a. I go to the bathroom almost every hour to urinate (yet, I struggle to "perform" when the nurse needs a sample). I rush in there, because I feel like I'm going to pop. Once seated, hardly anything comes out--argh!
7. Memo from Brain: "I've enjoyed our time together, but I will be on leave for the next 9 months."
7a. Is it carelessness or forgetfulness? Either way, I'm having trouble remembering things. Sometimes I do the same thing twice (like pay a bill) because I forget that I've already done it. I want to say something else about this topic, but I can't quite recall ...
8. I need more body glue.
8a. It's true! My left hip, 1-4 times a day (on random days) sort of slips out from under me. I lose my balance, and it hurts for a moment. I read somewhere that hormones may be causing my pelvis to loosen up in preparation for an easier delivery. Codswallop? I don't know.
9. Every week, something else in my wardrobe won't fit.
9a. Really.
10. The baby card rocks!
10a. If I don't like something, someone, or some place, I just pull the baby card. Don't like a restaurant? "Honey, I don't think the baby's going to like that right now." Want to change the subject? "I don't want the baby to overhear and get upset; do you mind?" Feel like going home early? "The baby's tired. I'm going to call it a night." See? Think of all the potential! "The baby would like cookie dough ice cream if you don't mind ..."
There you have it: truth in less than 600 words, but 400 calories.
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