So, yesterdayeth (OK, that was a bit much) started out with much potential. I had in mind a list of several projects I wanted to complete, and I'm a gal who likes to complete projects. At 7:30, the baby was already kicking, but I could tell I hadn't slept well all night, so I figured I'd stay in bed until I had. At 8:00, my mom called. She needed me to pick her up from work and get blood work done at her doctor's office. I got up, got dressed, and was out of the door in an hour.
Symptom 1: Tired. Very tired.
The appointment, which was planned as a ten-minute thing (so I had decided to eat breakfast afterwards), took over an hour.
Symptom 2: Hungry. Very hungry.
My eyes were dry, and I wanted to sleep. This was difficult to accomplish since a) I hardly fit in a standard chair anymore, and b) a rowdy toddler was banging on doors, pushing magazines aside, and yelling (while her mother repeated, "Don't do that, please. Please don't do that. I'd like you not to do that.").
After the appointment, my mom generously took me to breakfast. I went home, and instead of taking a nap so I could feel better, I prepped my materials for a class I would teach that night. I tried to start many of the projects I had planned earlier, but no effort lasted beyond ten minutes. I could not think straight, but I refused to keep trying. Before I realized it, it was time for class.
Symptom 3: Bitter. Very bitter.
The class went well. I was hungry after, so I decided to eat by myself at a fast-food joint. I was sleepy, but not too tired to reflect on some things (reflect = stew). Mainly, I was thinking about my mom's appointment. It hadn't gone particularly well. Mom's been stressed over a situation lately, and her stress levels are bringing her some unwanted side effects. I was annoyed (not at Mom) that the situation had gotten so complex and destructive.
Symptom 4: Irritable. Very irritable.
After dinner, I went to church. I felt better for a while, until I got home. As I sat in front of my laptop (again, trying to accomplish at least one project), I suddenly felt as irritable and tired as I had all morning. I was trying to print something important (will discuss in a later post), and my husband's new security software was not letting me connect to our networked printer. We tried one idea after another, but it would not let me print. We changed settings, attempted to turn off the security software, and restarted the computers, but nothing worked. At one point, the Help menu suggested that if I installed the software on my computer as well (paying for another license, of course), the printer would work.
Symptom 5: Angry. Very angry.
The rest of the story, in brief, goes like this:
***
I satteth upon my sofa and was bitter in my soul. Timothy, whom I loveth, spoke thus: "Perhaps if thou wouldest let me touch thoust laptop for but a few moments, or if I may installeth software into it ..." The man grasped for the laptop, and something, which today causeth my soul to sorrow, happeneth. I took hold of his chin tightly and said, "Verily I say unto you, that thou art aggravating me severely!" Twas an aggressive act. Twas shamefull. Timothy, whom I loveth, did not return anger for anger. He left me be, though he only wished to help. A short time passed. I wept bitterly. I asked for forgiveness and have been much silent since.***
The point is, and I will not address this again, is that I let my last-trimester pregnancy symptoms take hold of me. I refused to listen to my body and go back to sleep when I should have. I refused to go to bed early that night, rather than struggle to finish projects which could have waited one more day. I refused to see the warning signs all day long that my anger levels were steadily rising unchecked. For that, I am truly sorry.
2 comments:
Hrmmm, your post says it was written at 5 in the morning. Is that right?
A couple of things before I comment on this post.. the little one is talking in her sleep right now. So far, she has said the following:
"No, Isaiah, that's my papas!" Translated, that means her food is being taken away by little guy.
"It's not matches!" Translated, that means that something doesn't match.. clothes, in particular. That comment struck me hard :*(
There is meaning behind the way I started this reply, you know. Kids have their own distinct personality and what they do throughout the day affects them in more ways than one. This applies to adults as well.
The reason pregnant mothers are told to get as much sleep as possible (besides the obvious benefit of giving your husband a breather), is because you will lash out without it. Since the spouse is with you more than anyone else, he will be the one to recieve the ugly stick. There is absolutly nothing in this world, save Judgement day, that should take you out of bed when you are feeling tired. As dad says, "mark my words" --- mark my words, once the baby is born, 'sleep' will be a distant word that will be remembered about 3 or 4 months after your delivery.. so get it now!
One last thing: Tim will soon figure out, if he hasn't already, that what you scream from this point on holds no meaning. He should just walk away and wait until you cool down. Tim, you will be getting a ton of apologies in the near future.. take them with a smile and do what you need to when she sleeps. =)
It's really hard for me to just sleep. I always think about all the stuff I feel I have to take care of. That's no one's fault but mine, but I'd still like to blame the usual suspect: society. :)
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